


Lt. Commander Data Is A Sex God

by Eliza_Shakecake



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Human Q (Star Trek), M/M, Pleasure bot, Q is a screamer, and a creative one at that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:53:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28915668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliza_Shakecake/pseuds/Eliza_Shakecake
Summary: Did you ever get turned into a human and fell for an android ?Well, it happened to Q.(He recommends this experience 10/10 with an infinite star rating – out of five stars, obviously)
Relationships: Data/Q (Star Trek)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	Lt. Commander Data Is A Sex God

”I'm bored.“

Being rescued out of the grips of the Calamarain in the clichéd nick of time had provided only so much suspense for Q. Now he was longing for entertainment. The android next to him at the bar of Ten Forward whizzed into action right away.

”There are multiple ways for humans to relieve oneself of boredom.“ Data explained. ”You could eat something-“

”Not hungry.“ Q replied, making a face.

”Or read something-“

”Nothing that I wouldn't know already.“

”Or exercise-“

”And be reminded of how useless this fleshy bag of water is ? No thanks.“

The android went still for a moment. If Q hadn't been so miserable in his boredom, he would have been amused by making the other one's hard drive spin.

”There are also social options.“

Q looked him in the eye, head askew.

”Do I _look_ like I want to talk to humans ?“

”Talking is but one option.“

Q blinked. ”You suggest for me to torture someone ?“

”I would propose rather the opposite. Procreation can have recreational benefits, especially when not done for procreation itself.“

This made Q wrinkle his forehead. ”That doesn't make any sense.“

The android went on, apparently glad to have found the right topic. ”The act of procreation can consist of several acts in itself, each in itself endowed with recreational benefits.”

Q scooted closer in his seat. ”Go on.“

”One of the first acts is, depending on the culture, even permitted in the public sphere.“

”And that is ?“

”Kissing.“

Q's forehead wrinkled again.

”Kissing ? What's that supposed to be ?“

”It is accomplished by the contact of lips between two individuals, optionally with an exchange of mouth secretions.“

Now Q looked utterly disgusted.

”Who would want that ?! How is even one human being born ?!?“

Data's eyes moved rapidly, then stopped. „The statistics for planet Earth alone are-“

Q waved his hand. ”Never mind the statistics.“ He looked directly at Data. ”Honestly, tell me, who would do such a thing ?“

This time Data did not answer, but instead leaned forward and placed his lips on Q's. Q froze as in shock, then stared at the android once he leaned back. He couldn't do much else beside blinking.

”That was without the exchange of secretions.“ Data explained calmly. Then he wound his hand around Q's neck, pressed their faces together, let his tongue glide into Q's mouth and engaged him in a dance that started with medium speed and increased in speed till they parted. 

Q's eyes were somewhat glazed, his mouth hanging open. Seeming to remember where he was, he swallowed and closed his mouth again.

”I...see.“ He eventually said. He started to fidget in his seat.

”Somehow this...kissing...business has changed the size of my clothes.“

Data's eyes followed the movement of his lower body.

”The sizing of your clothes was done correctly. You are merely experiencing an erection.“

Q followed his gaze, then stared in surprise at the bulge between his legs.

”What in all the universe is THAT ?! Where did that come from ?“

”An erection is required for many procreational activities.“

”So, that's a good thing ?“

”Yes, it means you could proceed in-“

”-procreational activities, yeah, I got that.“ Q's gaze had become hectic, taking in their surroundings.

”You said humans were so prudish, the rest has to be done in private, right ?“

”That is correct.“

Q grabbed Data's hand. ”Is your place closer or mine ?“

”As you do not have 'a place' yet, I would say-“

”Lead the way !“

Data blinked once more, then stood up, not shaking off the other one's hand.

When they had finally reached Data's quarters, Q was in the middle of ranting about the fact that walking was boring and took way too long. Also, the effect of the kissing seemed to be working wrong. Instead of fading off, he still felt dazed, maybe more so than before.

”And what happens now ? What can be so horrible that it is forbidden for other humans to see even though everybody does it at some point ?“

”I suggest concentrating on your erection. Please sit down.“

Q did not see what the difference was in his position, but sat down anyway. How much better could it become anyway ? Why weren't they kissing ? And then the android opened the front part of his clothing and put his hand on this thing he called erection- ALMIGHTY STARCLUSTERS ! That felt good ! Q let out a scream when Data replaced his hand and instead lowered his mouth over his erection. He was suddenly very grateful for sitting. It made all so much sense ! Especially as there was suddenly a built up, he felt something leak out of him while his power seemed to fade just as much. Out of breath, he fell back on the bed. Data's head appeared next to him.

”It is said that climax in human males tends to make them fatigued. This is why I suggested sitting.“

Q nodded. ”Very good.“ And this was all that he was able to do before losing consciousness.

A curious thing happened the next day. Never mind that he had awoken with his pants back on in the morning. After leaving the android's place (when had he left ?) he had went to get food at the place everyone called Ten Forward. The moment his eyes had seen the android, his clothing started to change sizes again. Data noticed the other one's presence and came over.

”Good morning, Q.“

”Mornin'.“

The android's eyes went down to Q's lower body once more. Q had always wondered what a dejá vu would feel like and felt mildly annoyed now that he was experiencing it. That, and weirdly excited.

For a while, none of them spoke. 

”Fascinating.“ Data said finally.

”What is ?“ Q started to look somewhat alarmed. ”Did I catch one of those laughable human diseases ?“

”Your reaction to me. The visual stimulus had immediate results.“

”And ?“

”Well, as far as I have read, the visual aspect does play a vital part, especially in establishing arousal. But for it to be so quickly-“

”I knew it, I'm going to die. Tell me, how many people die connected to procreation each one of your puny little years?“

”While one would have to be more specific in the different renderings of 'procreation caused deaths', I, however, do not think you are dying.“

”Of course I'm dying, I'm human, I'm mortal.“ Q looked flustered.

Data looked at him. Then nodded.

”Ah, I see, humor.“

”You think me dying is funny ?“

”I don't think anything is funny, Q. And to come back to your original inquiry, my conclusion would be that you are attracted to me.“

”What does that mean ?“

”It means you would like to do recreational acts with me.“

”Of course I want to ! That felt amazing !“

Data looked at him.

”Do you want to do so now ?“

”Yes, not a second to waste in this short existence !“

After again much too long, Q sat on Data's bed again, the android's mouth on him.

GOOD MERCIFUL UNIVERSE !

Why didn't humans do this all the time ?? 

Q again felt what he had learned to be 'sleepy' after what the other one had called a 'climax'. What he wanted more than sleeping this time, however, was for Data to be close to him, to kiss him. He voiced it immediately. The android complied and lay down next to him. Data kissed him for the first time since Ten Forward and – HE SWORE – it felt like the first time. His toes curled up, his body was becoming giddy, he was sure he was going to die of something stupid like heart failure at any moment. But then he didn't and the android stopped kissing him. Something must have happened during the kissing, because now Q's mouth couldn't stay in a straight line. The curves of his mouth kept going up. He was grinning without something being funny, like the universe kept telling him silent jokes.

”Would you like to try out more acts ?“ Data asked him.

”There's MORE ?! By all means, YES !“

Q was told to undress and – sensing the faster he was naked the faster they could continue – ripped his clothes in half. Data had undressed as well and Q found that the sight worked even more wonders on his erection thing than simply seeing Data with clothes. The android was meanwhile busy coating a finger with something coming out of a tube.

Q reached for it. ”Should I do that, too ?“

”That will not be necessary for now. Please lie on your back and spread your legs.“

Q did as told and not much later felt one finger of the other one around his anus.

”I wouldn't continue in that direction, you see, just a few hours ago I felt funny and I was advised to visit a place called 'the bathroom', there something really weird happened with-“ He interrupted himself with a low moan, his eyes fluttering shut, then opening again. He looked at Data intently. ”Forget what I just said. Continue.“ 

The android added a second finger. Q had no idea if there was a higher purpose to this, but honestly didn't care. He liked the sensations. Under Data's touch, he continued to moan and sigh, until suddenly tensing up and crying out: “BY ALL THE STARS IN THIS GALAXY !“

Data nodded. „I have successfully located your prostate.“

”I don't care if you found a new moon in there.“ Q replied, out of breath. His voice sounded happy without him having to do anything for it, it was weird in a good way.

”The location of the prostate was important in ensuring a climax for you in further acts.“

”Further acts ? You mean that wasn't it ?“ Q's head swam slightly. Was he dying ? What if he was going to be the first human to die of procreation ?

The android nodded, then applied the same coating he used for his fingers on his own erection. 

”Please raise your legs some more. A position on my shoulders would be advised.“

Q did as asked, resting his legs on Data's shoulders. He wondered what would happen next and felt impatient already that it hadn't started. Then he saw how Data pushed his own erection in his anus. It was like when he had used his fingers and then again not at all and hurt and yet didn't. That was it. NOW he sure he was dying. There was no way there could be so many contradicting signals without something being MAJORLY wrong.

He was about to inform Data, when the other one started to move and all he was able to do was breathe and rake his brain for new colorful things to shout out.

”THE BLACKEST BLACK HOLE OF THEM ALL !“

Q felt the android stop and his mind crashed down from wherever it had been soaring. Was not only his body failing, but his mind also and gravity itself ?!

”Is something wrong ?“ Data asked him. ”Or is this one of your usual exclamations ?“

”'m fine.“ Q pressed out. The movement, the sensations needed to continue. They should never have stopped and needed to start five minutes ago. He was honestly losing his mind.

Data nodded and continued in his thrusting rhythm. Q's eyes did a weird crossing thing, then returned to their normal place, while he was letting out a relieved moan. 

When he reached his climax this time, Q felt the 'sleepy' feeling, he felt the total opposite of it, and he felt like holding onto the android for ever. He felt like holding onto him not because of the weird sensation that sometimes befell him, as if the ground had suddenly disappeared and gravity was busy elsewhere. No, he felt like holding onto him simply because he wanted to have him close.

Speaking of wanting: when Q turned his head and met the android's gaze, on top of holding him for eternity, he wanted to add kissing him forever to that list. He liked being one greedy bastard with Data. 

They were sitting in Ten Forward. Q was getting better at being around Data without wanting to recreational procreate.

”Is there a shorter word for it ?“ Q suddenly realized he tired of even thinking such a long word.

”For what exactly ?“ Data replied.

”Recreational procreation.“

”Sex.“

”Oh.“ Q looked and sounded impressed, then delighted. ”That saves time.“ He winked at the android.

”Do I take this visual cue as a hint for a request of further recreatio- sex ?“

Q's grin became very wide. ”Tempting, my dear Data, tempting.“ A shadow went over Q's face.

”That reminds me. I had a very strange incident.“

Data leaned forward, resting his arms on the table between them.

”Of what kind ?“

Q looked pained just thinking about it.

”I don't even know where it came from, but...the thought had suddenly entered my mind that there is virtually nothing stopping other people from having sex with you, too. And that made me want to end their existence in the most gruesome way possible – preferably far away from you, so they did not have any chance at a last look at you. Is that normal ?“

”I think you are referring to 'jealousy'.“

”That sounds like a name for a person or food.“

”Being jealous means to want to have exclusive access to a specific being, given that the relationship is functioning on monogamous parameters.“

Q looked even more uncomfortable and confused in his seat.

”But the thing is, when I think of other people being with you, there is also a part of me that wants not only to destroy the being having sex with you...but you as well.“

Data did not even blink. „This still functions along the jealousy parameters.“

”So that's normal ? Humans do that ?“

”Yes. They are called murderers, psychopaths and various other terms and usually locked away when found.“

Q nodded, in thought. ”I see.“ A moment passed. ”You see, I don't wanna be locked away. Also it sounds like a lot of humans _don't_ follow their instincts to rip apart others. What do they do ?“

Data's eyes were moving fast from side to side.

”Of the results I obtained, the factor of 'trust' seems to be an important one.“

”So humans simply _trust_ one another not to have sex with other people ?“

”Given they are in a monogamous relationship, yes.“

”Fascinating.“

”I think so as well.“

”What are you two talking about ?“ Geordi approached them, nodding at Data.

”The possibility that I could be having sex with other beings and that Q would, quote, 'end their existence in the most gruesome way possible“.

The engineer looked thoroughly confused.

”Why would you talk about that ?“

Q went wide eyed and shot to his feet.

”WHY ?!“ He yelled. ”You seriously have to ask why ??!“ By now a few people in Ten Forward had turned their heads to them. Q went on in a loud voice. ”Why should not be this whole damn ship be after him ?! His skills are so refined, so sublime I am forced to use silly old human myths in comparison for your simple brains to comprehend it ! Open your ears and listen very carefully: Data is a _god_ of sex, he is a _sex god_ !“

Silence in Ten Forward. Q was breathing heavily, still looking very worked up.

Riker exchanged a look with Diana at his table. He was grinning like a father who had just discovered his child's porn stack.

Geordi remembered many places at once that he would rather be at right now.

”You know...“ He started, walking backwards slowly, ”...I just remembered something I gotta do-“

”Is there a problem here ?“ Worf was walking towards them, his eyes especially set on Q.

”No problem.“ Geordi quickly said. He might as well get it over with.

”Q is just telling everybody that...“ C'mon, man, just a few more words !

Worf was staring him down.

”That 'what' ??“

”...that Data is a sex god.“

The Klingon's eyes widened considerably. Before he could say anything further, Picard joined their round. 

”Something wrong ?“

Worf tensed up.

”Sir, I was just informed that there was a minor public disturbance over the fact that Lieutenant Commander Data is a sex god !“ Worf was trying his best to hide his discomfort.

Picard stared at Worf. ”...what ?“

Q had gathered enough strength to speak again.

”Don't deny it, Jean-Luc ! Even you can't be so blind !“

Picard just turned on his heels.

”If you'll excuse me, gentlemen. Lieutenant Commander Data, you are freed of your duties for the remainder of the day.“


End file.
